The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
