Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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