How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
