i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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