i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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