I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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