I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize