be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize