The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
