how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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