I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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