did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
