I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
