Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
