My balls are so social today.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
