Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
