we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
