Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
