Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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