I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
