is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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