I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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