She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
