Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
