And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
