I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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