sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
