Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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