I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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