I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
