So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
