someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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