I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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