he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
