sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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