I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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