I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
