...so i touched it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
