the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this boner is exhausting
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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