So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize