Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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