can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
