right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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