I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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