I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
