I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
and you fell through a lawn chair
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
