so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
