He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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