i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
