I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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