so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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