hotel room ftw
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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