The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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