dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
