Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
