i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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