That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
