Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.