is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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