my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.