but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*