we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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